Published on Adelaide Magazine

Thanks to Bamboo-Adelaide for submitting a photo with me in it. Blaze magazine is a free gay publication in South Australia and they recently published an article about the Bamboo group (a gay support group). It is perfect for this LYC affiliate because I am sure they will receive more inquiries and possibly more new members.

And I am glad that they submitted the picture! Click here to read the article.

I did a Britney

No, I am not having postpartum depression nor I have a new album out. I was just bored in my apartment and decided to get some colored contacts, have my head shaven and shaved my eyebrow as well. Here is the result. Next time, I will castrate myself.

Kiss During the Sydney Mardi Gras 2008

I was at the workplace of Rai, a Filipino friend, as we watched the paraders go by. Amidst the shouting, the people rejoicing and the music, I found two men kissing. I think it is the sweetest thing in the world. Click here view to see the video on youtube.

Is Sobriety a Rarity?

I am proud to say that I have never taken drugs and I am not interested in taking them. All of my friends know that I am fun and uninhibited when sober. I do not even need to drink alcohol to get up on stage in DJ Station and act like someone has put an electrode up my ass.

I know that acceptance of the gay lifestyle in mainstream society is not fully accepted yet but then I know that there is progress. But the older I get, it seems there are more and more gay men who are hooked into drugs and prohibited substances. And this does not exclude countries that accept same-sex couples.

And few gay men admit that they take it because they love it. Most of them say that they take it only when their friends take it. They say they do not want to be left out eventhough they know it is dangerous. I have seen on Animal Planet that deer actually run away when their herd accidentally heads to a pool of crocodiles.

And few gay men admit how much and how often they take it. What does occasionally mean? What is a recreational drug user? I never thought putting scars in your brain or burning your septum is actually creative.

I am trying to convince myself that this is only a gay subculture but it seems it is not. The more I put myself out there, the more it is apparent that I am part of a minority. Please tell me I am wrong.

Happy Memories

As I traced my steps from DJ Station to my apartment on Silom Soi 6, I could not help but remember the happy memories that I had last December. We traced those same steps while holding hands and admiring each other's achievements in our local communities. And a few minutes before, we were inseparable on the dance floor. Nothing mattered while we were kissing.

My friends are already tired of listening to the same story over and over again but I cannot help it. I was in love and I am very sad.

My friends say that those happy memories are in the past and I should let it stay that way. I wish I could make more happy memories with him. I never smiled so much in my life. I have never done so many sacrifices for just one man. I wish I mattered to him as much as he mattered to me.

Oz 2008: Thank You!

Thank you, Peter Holmes, for introducing me to your great country. I know it is a bit shameful but I know more about Australia than my adoptive country (Thailand) right now. We have shared so many memories together and I am sure we have tons of years of friendship ahead of us.

Thank you, Kerry and Thinh, for having me in your lovely Adelaide home. I hope to see that bed sheet with the animal prints again. I am so thankful to have met Kerry through Long Yang Club.

Thank you, Andrew MacDonald, for being with me during a very difficult time in my trip. You have a golden heart with a raging passion. I am looking forward to working with you more closely in the near future.

Thank you, Justin Richards, for driving 1 hour and 20 minutes just to meet me in person. It was really ecstatic to be with you in person. Hurrah to the provincial queens in Australia!

Thank you, Stuart Poole, for taking me to that memorable and bumpy trip. We will go to the desert next time.

Thank you, Thomas Payne, for that Kambah Pool experience. You have raised my standards very high now.

Thank you, Bobby, for that nice hotel room in Sydney. That was a damn good location!

Thank you, William Rattley and Constantin Schnaeker, for your company. I am very excited to start this new friendship with you guys.

Thank you to all the Long Yang Club chapters in Canberra, Sydney, and Melbourne. Thank you, Bamboo-Adelaide!

Thanks to everyone I met during this trip. I will be meeting you guys again sooner than you think.

Oz 2008: Sydney Pics 2

Here are some touristy pics. Some of which are taken at the Taronga Zoo, very near the Peter Holmes' apartment where I stayed. Click here to view all the pics of my Australian vacation.

Oz 2008: Canberra Pics 2

Thanks Stuart Poole for taking me to Goodradigbee River  and Mt. Coree. It was an unforgettable adventure as we drove up and down the mountain using his 4x4. I hope to camp with you there this coming winter. Click here for more pics.

Oz 2008: Adelaide Pics

These are Kerry, Thinh and tiny Chai. They were my hosts in Adelaide. I will definitely visit them again on my next visit to this country.

This is Justin, my friend from Murray Bridge.

Oz 2008: Melbourne Pics

Click here for all the pics.

Say It Out Loud: Journey of a Real Cowboy (book)

Written by Adam Sutton and Neil McMahon

Thanks Peter Holmes for giving me your copy of this book last year. I think it is the first edition. Sorry, it took this long for me to read it.

The book is sad although it tries to be hopeful. I know many people think that this is special because he is a cowboy--he is in a situation where men should not be sucking dicks. I guess for a person who has spent most of his life knowing what and who he is, this story is not that special. But then there are tons of gay men out there who are still very afraid to come to terms with their sexuality.

Many gay men can relate to his constant pursuit for love. I, myself, am guilty of it far too many times. Maybe, I should set down my head on the dirt and let a group of brumbies trample on it. I just never learn.

Too bad that Adam Sutton's story is far for over. He is still a young man. I think he is still in his early 30s--very near my age.

The language is very simple and the journey very easy to follow. It can be very graphic at times but sometimes, it is contrived. Oftentimes, I wonder which one is speaking: Adam (the cowboy) or Neil (the writer).

I just wish that this bloke would find his love soon. I can also wish the same for myself.

Oz 2008: Canberra Pics 1

Wild kangaroos in Canberra


Lake George


Me in Lake George


On the way to Canberra


Hampden Bridge

Oz 2008: Sydney Pics 1

These are pics of my first week in Sydney. Some of which were taken during the Mardi Gras Parade. Click here to view the rest of the set.

Oz 2008: Qantas (SYD to BKK)

Peter Holmes swore that this is the best airline in the world. Unfortunately, they had some problems with their inflight entertainment during my flight. The controls on the arm rests look very modern and the screen clearer but the passengers had no control over the videos or even the music. It is either you have to watch it then or you have to wait for the movie to finish. It was actually unbearable because people do need their bathroom breaks.

The food is better than British Airways'. Surprisingly, they had lamb although they were just bits and pieces of the animal. It could have been another kind of meat but that is OK. The second meal included pasta so it was really heavy.

The cabin crew members were easy to confuse though. I asked for something to munch on and the staff gave it to me half an hour after. They were not as perky as the Virgin Blue employees but the Thai crew are definitely younger-looking.

But one of the Thai crew members definitely had too much plastic surgery on his face. It was distracting: eyelid job and a nose job. It looks swollen still. Thank god they did not serve sausages on board. Perhaps, that is the reason why they cannot smile that much--possible recovery period from a surgery.

The plane landed smoothly although it was a Boeing 747. I just cannot forget the flight attendant's face.

Oz 2008: Virgin Blue (CBR-MELB, MELB-ADL, ADL-CBR)

First of all, it was easy booking for this flight. There were a huge number of selection. Some are cheaper and longer. Some are a bit more expensive but shorter. But just the same, the prices are very reasonable.

The flights were generally on time. There was one time it was 5 minutes early. Boarding is done in a hurry though. I wonder how they manage to prepare the seats for the next set of passengers.

The attendants are so gay. Some of them can be swishy. Some of them are a bit butch. But many of them are fit and muscular. It goes to show that some flight attendants do not spend their free time hooking up. Most probably, they spend their free time in the gym and hooking up in the gym.

They are also very friendly and funny. One of them said to me, "I am sorry, dear passengers, we do not serve Hungry Jacks on this flight" and she glared at me while I was munching on my burger. She added, "It is impolite to have Hungry Jacks for yourself and not give any to the staff." I offered her my burger.

She shrieked, "Oh no you already bit on it!"

As the plane positioned itself for take off, I heard from the speakers, "Smoking in the toilets are not allowed and doing so entails a hefty fine and you will be asked to step out of the plane so that you can think of your action."

I love Virgin Blue!

Oz 2008: British Airways (Bangkok to Sydney)

This is the longest flight I have ever been in. At the same time, I have only been flying budget or economy for the past few years. That means my expectations were pretty low.

There was a good number of movies and I guess for ordinary people, it is enough. But for me, it was not. I have seen many of the movies already. There were some radio programs but very few are interesting. I do not know if it was a standard but the quality of the screen is really bad.

Some of the flight attendants can be a bit too intimidating. There was a big man who sounded like he was harassing people everytime he asked us if we wanted a drink. I think anyone sleeping on that flight would have definitely woken up. By the way, some of them can be very old.

Ah the food--I thought I was going to have more. The serving for the dinner was far from adequate. Breakfast was horrible. They only served bread, butter and coffee or tea. I wanted to eat one passenger but none of them was appetizing.

I was able to get drunk though with half a tiny bottle of red wine. It did not help me sleep but it helped me in warming myself up.

Oz 2008: Gay Saunas in Sydney

I was able to visit 357 and KKK only. I am not going to write anything about the clientele because I visited these saunas once only.

I was told that 357 is the best one in the country. Sadly, 357 is much worse than the worst gay sauna I have visited in Bangkok (Sauna Mania). 357 (by Bangkok standards) is small and the mazes are very basic and unchallenging.

KKK is much smaller and there is absolutely no maze. The floor plan is so flat that even a retard will not get lost in it. The cubicles are so tiny that I myself cannot lay on the sad cushions.

But there are some important things that impress me with the saunas in Australia. They are all clean and they provide an endless supply of condoms and water-based lube. The Babylon in Bangkok provides only two condoms and one tiny sachet of lube.

The walls are also covered with posters that encourage people to use condoms and get themselves tested for various STIs/STDs. Australia might not have the most exciting saunas in the world but they provide safe venues to play in.

Oz 2008: Food

The servings here are just too big. No wonder many Aussies are big. Fortunately, I have been losing weight but then it is not entirely good. I am losing muscle tone.

My favorite so far is the kangaroo meat that Peter served. It was a casserole dish. At first, I thought it was beef. It was very tender and tasty. Everyone Peter invited for dinner asked for seconds.

The Australian hamburger is a feast in a packet. It had the burger, bacon, egg, onion, pineapple, beet root, onion, lettuce and tomato--all in one. I felt exhausted eating it that I sprawled on the grass in Mittagong while magpies stared at me. Probably, they were wondering if I would die so that they can eat the pot-bellied me.

I visited Hungry Jacks and McDonald's and I am surprised to see that they are actually a little bit cheaper than (or the same price) in Bangkok. They are not the best food source but they are quick and cheap by Aussie standards.

I used to know Barramundi as a tribe in Survivor: Outback but I was able to try it out as a fish. It is a freshwater fish served with butter sauce. I had it near the Sydney Opera House.

My vacation here is nearly coming to a close and I do not want to go back to Bangkok.

Oz 2008: Friday night in Adelaide's gay venues

I was introduced to a lot of men that night. I was brought to Hampshire first which was going to change to a straight pub next week. The place looks dilapidated but I think the local gay community needs this pub. I do not know why they are closing it down. There are not that many gay venues in this city of 1.1 million.

Then I was led to Mars Bar, a mixed staight-gay club. I chatted with many people here. Some are gay and some claim to be straight. It is funny to see 20-year old struggle with their sexuality. It is also very touching to meet people who feel comfortable talking to me quite openly and easily.

It feels really strange here. It is a city and yet people do not behave like typical city-dwellers. They are fun and love talking a lot even in clubs. They are not hesitant to approach new people and enjoy their company. I really would like to return to this city and discover more.

Oz 2008: Afternoon Spent Alone in Adelaide

Adelaide is in the middle of a heat wave and yet the beach was full of people at noon. I did not go for a swim because I thought it would be unsafe for me to leave my clothes on the shore. My host Kerry Seebohm assured me that it is quite safe here.

I rode the tram and fell asleep. I woke up before the Rundle Mall station. It just amazes me how different these cities can be from each other.

Adelaide is a city that has 1.1 million people. How can so few people make up a city? Well, I definitely saw most of them in Rundle Mall. The students just got off from school and they were loud in the city center. There were street performers. I was impressed with a young Irish comedian so I gave him my change. Too bad he did not get that much as most of his audience were not yet working.

As I tried to find Kerry, I saw aboriginal people sleeping in the park. It is sad that they live in such awful condition and they are supposed to be the natives of this country. Definitely, the present system is not working for them. They are in one of the richest countries in the world and yet they are unproductive. Something is wrong. I wonder when I will fully grasp this important part of Australian society.

Oz 2008: Hurt

Oz 2008: Unusual Temptation

Andrew and I went to The Peel last weekend. It is a popular gay club in Melbourne with an interesting mix of straight women, lesbians, old gay men, young gay men and underaged gay boys. They also have very sexy go go boys.

My attention was drawn to a straight couple. They were both wearing a matching red and black leather outfits. The man's ass was sticking out and the woman's pierced nipples were sticking out as well and they were higher than her armpits.

But Andrew is braver than I am so he approached the couple. They looked interested in talking to him and I could not make out what it was about. I decided to approach them but then the man and the woman stood up and cornered me.

The man said "She has thirteen piercings--one, two, three...thirteen". He pointed to her nipples and down to her vagina. "You like her breasts? Touch them"

And guess what I did? Yes, gentlemen and ladies, I squeezed them. They offered me to come with them but I refused. The man waved his butt across my face but I said no. All that time, I was squeezing Andrew's hand.

I must admit that I was tempted to say "yes" and I do not know why. What could have happened if I came there alone.

Oz 2008: Crazy in Melbourne

It is hard to come up with something sensible right now. I have lost Andrew Mclean's apartment key. I have been late in some of my LYC appointments. I hope nobody is mad at me. But one thing is for sure, I am enjoying my time with Andrew.

We have been going to lots of gay establishments in Melbourne: The Peel, Sircuit and The Laird. Sircuit's cruising floor is nice. They have OK cubicles and movie rooms. I found The Laird very interesting because they have a lot of real men and not just boys. The Peel is excellent as they have men of all ages and the black go go boy is hot. It was my first time to see a non-Asian go go boy.

The trams here are nice and convenient. The trains are also very helpful in helping me get around the city. The ticketing system is also very easy to understand. Here in Melbourne, I do not have a guide who can tell me in detail what everything is about. I miss Peter.

I am sorry there is no theme right now. There is no one coherent topic. I am just enjoying my time here.

Oz 2008: Nudity

I love the nude beaches here. It is so relaxing and they are free. You do not even have to buy a fancy swimming costume.

Peter and I went to Obelisk in Sydney where I saw lots of gay men and one woman sprawled out on the sand with nothing on but a smile. I felt very relaxed and at home.

We also went to a beach along Murrumbridgee River in Canberra. I hiked and climbed the borders without any clothes on. I saw some gay men cruising but that did not bother me. I just hiked some more. And there were also (I assume) some straight men and it does not bother them that many gay men are around the area.

At the Intercon, I also had a conversation with a man while both of us were in the nude. I do not know if the is gay or not but then it does not matter. It seems many people here are very comfortable with their bodies.

Hmmm....maybe I should have long conversations in the nude in my Bangkok gym.

Oz 2008: Wars and a Veteran

I have known Peter for a very long time and it was only today that I have seen him cry. We went to the war memorial in Canberra and went inside a place used to remember unnamed men who have died in war. My friend broke down and cried and I have an idea why. He is a Vietnam war veteran and it is the only topic that we cannot talk about.

I saw the young vulnerable man that he was but then he has done so many things for his community. He has not stop being a public servant even when he retired a few years ago. I am really proud of meeting my friend.

We went deeper in the building and I was amazed with the details and size of the place and the things displayed in it. There were uniforms, weapons and dioramas. But my jaw dropped when I saw jeep, tanks, helicopters and even bomber planes on display. They are not replicas but real ones. And to top it off, there were two sound and light shows that mimic the big machines in combat. I had goose bumps while watching these. But all of these highlight that people have died in wars. War is definitely far from beautiful.

Obviously, so much money was spent on this building and yet it is for free. It is even free for tourists. Now I cannot wait to visit an aboriginal museum.

Oz 2008: Aussie Museums

I thought most people who would be in Museums were foreign tourists but they are mostly Australians from different parts of the country. In Thailand and in the Philippines, most locals are forced to visit the museums because they are either required in school or friends asked them to show them around. On the other hand, it seems many Aussies are very keen on knowing about their history and their culture.

One would see prehistoric artefacts like tools. There are also tons of objects from the first settlers. But what surprises me the most is the presence of the gay community in their own national museum. The Mardi Gras is there!

My friends do not know that I actually cried when I realized how integrated is the gay community in the culture and history of this country. I wish my own country gave that much importance to us. In the Philippines, gay people are regarded as abnormal people and sinners. We have no importance back then.

This is a great deal for me. I love the things I am learning so far about this country.

Rainbow Boys (novel)

I have not read a book for a very long time. Here is one book that I started reading on the way to Suvarnabhumi Airport and finished it a day before the Mardi Gras. This is also the first teenage gay book I have ever read. Thanks to Alex Sanchez for giving me a free copy of the first book of his trilogy.

Like most teenage novels, this coming of age story has a very linear presentation. The language is very simple and very current so there is no need to open the dictionary to hunt for unfamiliar words. The physical characteristics of the main people in the story are detailed but these are faces that are common in US high schools.

For gay adults like me, there is nothing new to the story but I am sure it can create quite an impact to teenagers who are still searching for their true identities. It also gives a very sensitive yet realistic view of how parents react when their children come out to them.

It is embarrassing to admit that I did cry in some of the chapters. It brought a lot of happy memories when I was only a teenager.

This is a must-have for any gay teenager or any gay man who wants to revisit those years that having pimples are a big thing. I wonder if Alex would give me the succeeding publications. Hint hint.

Oz 2008: From Sydney to Canberra

We took the scenic route from Sydney to Canberra. My friends and I left the Intercon early and had breakfast at the beach. The sun was bright but the wind was cool.

Peter drove his car from the sands of Sydney towards the Australian National Park. It is huge and its roads were lined with tall trees. I had my hand out the window and it felt like a brook was running in between my fingers.

Hours passed and the temperature rose as we sped our way inland. Some trees were still tall. Some plants are mere bushes as the wind grows stronger. St. George's Lake is awesome. It just shows how much empty space this country has.

So much space. I got used to crowded places. where people are only inches away from you yet you do not mind them. People in Australia are very far apart and yet they treat each other with courtesy and respect. People here may have different jobs and yet they hold them with dignity.

Nobody is really low. Nobody is really better than the one next to him/her.

There is still so much to learn about this country.

Oz 2008: the Sydney Mardi Gras

Peter, Bobby and I were walking around the gate of the parade for more than one hour. I was already feeling sad that time because I thought I was going to miss the parade. It was almost impossible to get to our good spot (a shop that is directly above the starting parade) when luck started being on our side. The gates were open and we were able to cross the road where the parade was going to be.

It was a parade of beautiful bodies and huge smiles. I was surprised to see so many government organizations, a few churches and the governor of Sydney on the parade. The usual bikini-clad people were there. There were topless women, their kids, some straight parents. There were people from the Philippines, the US, Thailand, Indonesia and even the Middle East.

I even saw my favorite porn star, Chris Geary, and his Filipino boyfriend. I was screaming and howling. I planned on proposing marriage but I forgot everything. I just went mad!

And mad was the crowd. Everyone (straight man, girls, boys, infants, old people) was gay for a night. They wore wigs, feather boas, wings, heels, etc.

I am also impressed at how much gays and lesbians are integrated into each others' communities. You can see them together in the parade. I even saw many of them in a gay bar. It was a wonderful night and a wonderful city. Everyone was just gay and loving it!

Oz 2008: Sydney Bookshop

Peter and I roamed around the near our hotel, the Intercon. We found a bookshop and I asked Peter if the bookstore had an Asian literature section. He suggested that I ask them myself.

A young lady gave me a puzzled look when I asked her the question. She asked her supervisor for help.

I asked again, "Do you have an Asian literature section?"

She answered, "I am sorry we don't segregate."

My jaw dropped but she continued, "We arrange the authors' names alphabetically."

So I realized that I hold prejudices against writers of my race. All that time, I had been thinking of Asian literature, American literature and European literature. I was borrowing a very Eurocentric view of English literature. And the most ironic of all is a white Australian helped me discover it.

Oz 2008: Suvarnabumi Airport

It was easy to fall asleep last night but it was not easy to stay asleep.

I spent a very long time packing my things and it is mainly because I have to think one month ahead. At the same time, I have not been to this country yet. Should I pack warm clothes or should they all be summer clothes? How much hair gel should I bring?

Yes, that is right. I have already gotten rid of my curls and now sporting a modified Mohawk. The stylist had a difficult time though because he is not used to Filipino kink.

I am here at the Suvarnabhumi Airport waiting for my flight. I still have some hours to waste. I did not expect the airport bus would be that fast. It only took us one hour to get here and it was a very comfortable ride.

I am now munching on some nuts and drinking a bottle of water. I cannot get in the boarding gate yet as I have to consume this one liter of Singha delight first.

This adventure has already started very smoothly.

My First Love

I was with my friends last night showing them photos of a barbecue party. I stumbled upon an old picture of my very first performance. I was only 18 years old back then and it was in the middle of Makati and I was about to strip myself down to my briefs. I was performing my "Kakatihan" piece. It is about a man who gave his lover pubic lice because heis sleeping with other men also.

It has been a long time ago and yet the desire to perform is as strong if not stronger than ever. I cannot let go of my first love.

I have been living my life very honestly and yet I desperately desire to be someone else. I want to be infront of people again but not as myself. I want to have a different face. I want to have a different tone. I want to have a different movement.

I am dying to perform again.

Filipino Kink

I really do not know what to do with my hair sometimes. Anyway, this will be gone before I fly to Sydney. It might be a Mohawk or a skinhead or braided hair extensions. I have yet to decide.

Tsotsi (DVD)

This is another compulsive buy but I do not regret it.

Tsotsi is a teenager who is lost in a place of violence and coldness. But a twist of fate taught him humanity and gentleness. I am sure it was very challenging for Presley Chweneyagae to portray this broken person but he was able to make Tsotsi's disposition understandable. And there is the beautiful Terry Pheto who is very mesmerizing as the single mother/widow who helped Tsotsi realize what a child needs.

The setting of the story is as important as the story itself. I know poor communities like the one in the movie exist in many parts of the world but this movie shows that there is still some kindness in a very harsh place.

The audio and video quality of the DVD are great. It is dual-layer and the movie is only 90 minutes long so it has all the space to stretch is pixels and bits.

The Pinoy Vote

Ramiele Malubay may not be the best Filipino singer around but she is definitely the best Filipino contestant that American Idol has ever had. She is also one of the best singers in this season. Many of the contestants only look good but does not deliver very well.

It is amusing to know her choice of songs. They are traditional contest pieces back home where everyone is always belting and performing circus acts with their vocal chords. The judges say that she is such a small person to contain such a big voice. But then many of our belters are really really short.

Ramiele is very bold to mention that she is a Filipino in every appearance. This might work to her disadvantage because viewers will see her as a foreigner and not as an American Idol. On the other hand, there are tons of Filipinos in the US and we love supporting one of our own.

American Idol is one of the things I am going to miss during my tour of Australia. Can anyone tell me where I can watch the episodes? Is there an American Idol in Australia? Which channel?

The Bet Collector (DVD)

It is really hard to classify this film. It has a plot but it is not the most important element. It seems to be character-driven but there is no katharsis especially on the part of the main character, Amy.

I will try my best to describe the movie because it is ironically a Herculian task for such a small production. There is an illegal numbers game in the Philippines called "jueteng". Gina Pareno as Amy is a well-liked bet collector (or kubrador in Tagalog) who is always looked after by the spirit of her dead soldier-son. It shows three days of her little and arguably insignificant life.

Gina Pareño is brilliant as a secretly grieving mother and she takes all the peopleunder her care. She is very sympathetic although not quite immaculate. The small community she lives in is very typical in Manila and I am sure many of the extras are real residents.

The director is wise in his choices: hand held-camera giving the actors freedom to move around and not think of its presence and long languid scenes that enables to viewers to feel at home in the narrow alleys.

The DVD is only a single-layer disc with no subtitles that I bought in Manila but the picture quality is great and the sound very realistic as it was recorded live. I am sure this will be a movie that will be enjoyed by many Filipinos for generations to come.

THX 1138 (2-disc DVD)

No wonder this movie is not popular. It sucks big time!

I have never been a fan of George Lucas. I have hated the Star War movies because the characters look funny and the story is melodramatic. Whenever he makes movies, he tries so hard for everything to look ridiculous. And what is the result? A remotely believable movie.

I am trying so hard to look for something good about this movie. Well, I guess it is the remastering of the movie. The video is crisp and there is no apparent pixelation or compression. SUH's freckles are so vivid and her eyelashes look very delicate. She is so beautiful that she looks very inviting to touch.

The plot was all over the place and so was the development of the characters. It is easy to be overwhelmed by the sounds and images projected that it is not possible to even have a "feel" of the movie. I thought that maybe Lucas is trying to make a demo reel for a production company but then it is all over the place.

The DVDs extras were OK. The documentary on American Zoetrope is about the directors licking each others' asses. They claim that they tried very much not to fit the Hollywood mould and they have succeeded in becoming the next generation of Hollywood mould. They say "this film is not about the future but from the future". That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in a "making of the movie" video. A bacterium is more philosophical than any of the crew of this movie.

Up to now, this group of directors (Spielberg and Lucas specifically) still feed us with candy-sweet interpretation of life where everyone lives happily ever after.

Obviously, Lucas tried his best to make his own version of "2001: A Space Odyssey" but he is far from the genius that Kubrick had become. He can only admire but never imitate.

The Gay Vote

Obama is the black vote. Clinton is the women's vote. McCain is the rednecks' vote. And American Idol's Danny Noriega is the gay vote.

Danny is flashy and flamboyant and unmistakenly part of the family. I love him for that. He may not be the best singer in this season's lineup but he sure knows how to entertain the audience.

Unfortunately, he is still a sensitive gay boy and curls up into a little ball whenever post-menopausal Simon Cowell lashes at him. The only way for him to win this competition is winning a rhetorical fight with Simon while wearing his skinny jeans.

So I hope American gay men vote for him because American Idol is the only democratic thing that anyone will ever have in this war-hungry country.

Go Danny (double snaps)!

Getting Ready for Oz 3

It is a tradition in the Philippines to give money to children in December. It was the first day of the year and I was only a teenager. One of my cousins (20 years older) dangled some money infront of my face. He said, "There is no gay in our family." I snatched the bills from his hand and retorted "There is one now!" I immediately ran away laughing.

It is not perfectly OK to be gay in Manila but one does not get hurt by strangers by being so. I have kissed my wheelchair-bound ex in the middle of Megamall (one of the biggest malls in the country). I have held hands with my dates. I have even done things in public I shouldn't. But no harm has come to me.

I do the same things here in Bangkok. The only difference is people do not stare here whereas in Manila, people look at gay people like how they look at Siamese twins walking on a tightrope while balancing 10-foot swords on the tip of their tongues. But in both cities, people do not approach me, verbally abuse me or beat me up.

It has always been natural for me to show my affection in public. I am very proud of being gay and I have always answered "yes" whenever I am asked "Are you gay?"

Problem is more and more people are warning me about Australia. They say that I cannot even hold hands with a man in public. They say that if I wink at the wrong person, I will end up in hospital. One of them even warned me about gay bashings happening around the Sydney Mardi Gras.

I have always imagined Australia as a country where diversity is celebrated. Some people say that it is the diversity that should be blamed--that Middle Eastern men have made being publicly gay dangerous. A close friend of mine even say that policemen patrol the bushes not to catch gay men having sex in public but to protect gay men from getting bashed. It is comforting to know that policemen are on our side but it is also scary to know that gay men are actually harmed in public.

In a few days, I will know if I can walk away from homophobic people in Australia while laughing.

Failing in the Big B

Panos gave me a free ticket to the Babylon Sauna and a Babylon cap late last year. I tried to give it away to a friend but he did not accept it. The ticket was to expire by the end of this month. I was horny and it is not easy for me to get a nice hookup so I went last night.

It was the middle of the week so many areas were closed. There were not that many people either. American Idol extended for one hour so I really thought that I would have the dredges of the night's catch. But there were actually some good-looking guys. Most are Thais. There were tons of Caucasians. There were some Mediterranean-looking men. Some are Arab-looking. And one is African-American.

Some Thai men fancied me. One of them is heavily muscular but he was not handsome. Another one is muscular and smooth but then he is girlier than Maria Clara (the strongest Filipino image of femininity). I was surprised that none of the Westerners fancied me, not even the old ones.

Is it my Annie-inspired hair? Is it my creatine-infused body? Is it my desperate (mis)demeanor?

I tried to become bold and touched the engorged package of the African-American (I have never had one). He swiftly glared at me and I saw my life flashed before my eyes (and it was boring). Then I thought about my ageing parents in Manila. After that, I thought about my plane tickets to Australia. I also thought about my future husband and the children and the grandchildren that we are going to have.

I cannot be found dead in a gay sauna!

When I came to my senses, I realized that I was in a cubicle with an American who refused to kiss me, suck me and be fucked by me. I thought "beggars can't be choosers" and settled for a hand-job.

The air was cool last night so I felt alone but glad that I am still alive. I walked away singing "Tomorrow".

Getting Ready for Oz 2

The 27th of February draws near and I wish the days and nights would go faster. I have been waking up in the middle of the night thinking of AM. I received two long distance phone calls in the middle of the night but the line was choppy. I hope it was him.

I am more nervous meeting AM again than attending the Mardi Gras. I have prepared nothing for the parade and yet I have played scenarios of meeting him a hundred times. I have never pursued anyone this much before.

But I should not expect anything but have fun with him. I cannot and should not make any decisions just because I only have 8 days with him. I cannot and should not force him to make any decisions just because I am spending so much money just to be with him. I will try my best just to enjoy the time I have with him and be open with whatever is going to happen.

I just want to at least hold his hand again.

Emma's Bliss (movie)

It is my first time to be in an outdoor cinema. The movie competed with the glare of lights and the nuisance brought by mosquitoes.

Fortunately, it is a great movie. The story starts like "Misery" of Stephen King but then many elements of the story line are things I have not seen before. The ending is a little bit predictable but it is an ending nobody wants to see. It is cruel yet sweet. I do not want to spoil it for you so I suggest that you watch it.

Jürgen Vogel is very sexy in his own way. And in one scene, you would see that he is also well-endowed. He portrays the very resigned Max quite painfully. Jördis Triebel is very funny and innocent as Emma. She is both strong and sensitive.

This can be a very nice date movie because your partner would end up crying in your arms and cherish you for the moment that she/he has you.

Beautiful Boxer (DVD)

There was no original DVD of this title in Thailand that has English subtitles so I had to get this one in Manila. Unfortunately, it is a barebones DVD and it is even on full screen with matching grains and compression artefacts.

Like many Thai movies, this one is overly melodramatic but the action scenes are executed artistically and beautifully. It is really hard not to admire Muay Thai. I am now more amazed by this martial art than ever.

The lead actor is just super sexy. I wish I had him as my sparring partner in my classes but then I do not think I would be able to fight him. Even with the make up on, he is still very masculine. Maybe, I really have a thing for lady boys.

Now getting back to my review, Asanee Suwan gives a sympathetic and realistic performance of a kathoey. Though he cannot hide his bulging body parts (here I go again), he still conveys the gentleness and warmth of a woman.

I am not sure about the significance of this movie in Thai culture but I am sure many gay men would love to have this in his collection.

Platoon (DVD)

Sometimes, I ask people troubling questions. What is your drug of choice? Why did you bareback with that guy? Can you snort your coke infront of me? What happened to you in Vietnam during the war?

I do not ask these questions to use those information against them or to judge them. I ask those questions because I simply want to know something. I want to be able to "experience in my mind" how it is to be the person I am talking with.

I am still very curious about that US-led war in Vietnam. I can go there easily if I want to.

This movie has its flaws but I think it served very well the people who watched it during its theatrical release. It is hard not to compare it with "Full Metal Jacket but then the latter feels more intimate, more philosophical, more poetic and thus more memorable. But "Platoon" provides a not so comfortable window and yet realistic faces of the war.

Charlie does not stand out but the supporting actors did. Willem Dafoe is as sinister-looking as Tom Berenger but they are good in portraying the war "within themselves".

The Philippines which provided the backdrop of this movie is just stunningly beautiful. The production design (though low-budgeted) is impressive.

You have to watch the movie again and switch on the commentaries of Oliver Stone and his technical supervisor Captain Dale Dye. Unfortunately, Oliver Stone treats his audience as a shrink and recounts his memories of the battle field than the memories of shooting the movie. Dye's commentary is actually richer with details of how the movie was made and how he trained the main cast members to become theatrically-believable soldiers.

"Platoon" is nice to have in my collection but I treasure "Full Metal Jacket" a lot more.

Missing Sweeney Todd

Yes, I will give it a miss because the theater operators admit that the gory scenes are blurred out. They usually do this for guns, syringes, machetes, dicks and any pointed things. I won't be surprised if Cyrano Bergerac will get the same treatment.

I need to wait for it to be released on DVD but then I have to buy it outside of Thailand. I love Tim Burton and Helena Bonham-Carter.

I hate censorship!