"I speak English, you idiot!"

My everyday life in Thailand shows me how ignorant Westerners can be, especially about the Philippines. They do not even know what languages we use back home. Here are some of the funniest encounters I have had:

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I was in Koh Samet, on a platform in the middle of the water. One young female Australian pointed at something in the water

AUSSIE: (blabbering in Thai)

ME: Do you speak English?

AUSSIE: Yes.

ME: Because I do not speak Thai.

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I just introduced myself to a Brit in the locker room of the gym.

BRIT: Dexter is not a Filipino name.

ME: What is a Filipino name?

BRIT: Erm...people who have the name Winston Churchill are either from overseas or blacks.

ME: I know some Americans by that name.

BRIT: Are they blacks?

ME: I have never thought of it that way.

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I was cruising an American in the steam room. I just said "hi"

AMERICAN: You do not have a Thai voice. Your English is very good.

ME: Actually, you are not hearing English right now. I am speaking Thai. You just do not know that you understand Thai.

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I was talking to an American and I told him that I teach English.

AMERICAN: Do you teach kids?

ME: I teach kids, college students, business people, students who want to pass TOEIC, TOEFL, IELTS. I also teach Japanese, Koreans and Europeans. I also do corporate training. What do you teach?

AMERICAN: Conversation.