I am writing this a few minutes I left DJ station. But let me tell you a bit about my first visit here in November 2004: I made out with a Laotian and a Colombian at the same time on the dance floor. I took my shirt off and danced like a convulsing pop corn. But tonight it was different.
I saw guys I had sex with. I saw guys I go to the gym with. I saw guys who I fantasize having sex with. I even saw someone living in the same apartment building. Many people were familiar.
I went home alone and that is because of many reasons. I know my close friends will kill me for writing this but I do not feel I am as good-looking as the guys there. My insecurities were overpowering my desire to hook up. And another reason is I am too shy to let myself go because I have to face many of those people the following day.
I really do not understand myself sometimes. I know I sound I am contradicting myself. I am so fucked up in the head.
I am not sad though. I am just fucked up in the head.