Sunday, November 11, 2007

Losing Dexter

I am sure I have hurt so many men in my life. Most of which I am not aware of because I am too wrapped in my own selfish sexual desires. There are two men I have wronged so greatly.

One of which is SA, a Filipino doctor. I dated him eventhough I was not emotionally available. I was still in love with my then boyfriend. I hid it from SA because I wanted to get off with him. I hurt him so badly that five years after, he is still telling some of my friends how badly I treated him. I am sure he still has not forgiven me.

A more recent one is AG, a British flight attendant. I was entertaining so many men the time that he found me. I treated him as one of my numerous hookups until I realized that he actually genuinely likes me, laughs at my jokes and appreciates everything I have to say. That was also the time that AG realized that I am a dickhead.

I have spent so much time using people to fulfill my own desires that I have failed to see what is good. I am sure I have been given more than one second chance.

I have already taken down most of the personal information on my gay profiles. I want to start again. I have to find myself again.

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