My Mom Reads This

Last night, I chatted with my mom on cam. I wanted to show her the pictures of the floating market. Instead of simply sending the pics to her, I gave her the link of this blog. What the fuck was I thinking?

She said she was trying to read the entry Losing Dexter. I only wanted her to view the pics.

This reminds me--she actually loves reading my diary. I hate it whenever she does it but that does not stop her from being too nosy. Apparently, privacy is an alien concept in my family.

But I am not going to censor myself on this blog. I just hope she does not talk to me about it though.

Perfume (2-disc DVD)

I have to buy another DVD of this movie. The one released here in Thailand was desecrated. The censors have blurred out the sex scenes and the nude scenes. Even bodies of dead people were blurred out.

It is a shame because this DVD release has a very high bit rate. The sound is also awesome. It was very very clear and the blurred scenes ruined everything.

The movie is still very powerful. Ben Whishaw is convincing as a wolf in sheep's clothing. Dustin Hoffman is also effective as a failed artist. Their performances are layered and truthful.

The extras were good but I wish they showed more videos. They only have interviews of the actors and the production crew. It is a classic example of "show don't tell".

It would be nice to have a DVD of this movie for Christmas. Hint hint!

Sexless at the Babylon

As P explored the Babylon, I stayed at the pool area. Sometimes, I stare at the people prowling the poolside and the gym. Sometimes, I would just swim in the water.

It just feels different. I am not sure if I am depressed or I am just going through a shitty stage. Is it normal to visit the most popular gay sauna in the world and not cruise?

Yes, gentlemen, I did not cruise the Babylon and did not get laid. There were some stares but I never responded. Is this normal?

Perhaps, I have already decided on getting laid. Perhaps, I just do not want it to be an anonymous encounter.

This is just strange.

Thanks P

Life is full of surprises and P is one of the most exciting surprises in my life this year. Ideologically I should not really like him. He is from a political background I really despise.

But we spent about a week together and got to know each other as people and not our political inclinations. It was much nicer and more productive to talk about things we have in common.

We had our arguments but that is one way for us to get to know each other. I think it would be suspicious if arguments are absent in any relationship.

I really would like to see how deep this friendship will be. Thanks P for taking the risk. I am so thankful and grateful that I met you.

Floating Market Dumnoen Saduak

Thanks P for taking me to this very different experience.

The market was new to me so it was thrilling. It is disappointing that the locals are only doing this for the tourists as the Thais are not interested in floating markets anymore.

The price are set very very high even higher than in Bangkok. The items are no different from the ones being sold in the capital.

Well, if you have some bucks to spare and you want to kill time, a floating market is a good place to go to.

Strange Bedfellows (DVD)

This is another DVD that Peter has given me. Most probably, he has not seen this one yet.

Some people may remember it as a film where two straight men desperately needed to appear gay. I find it memorable though because of its dramatic yet realistic portrayal of mateship.

I did not expect the ending to be that way. I actually do not know how the movie is going to end but it is an ending one would not really gues. But then it does not appear forced.

Michael Caton and Paul Hogan have very good chemistry on screen. They really look like they have known each other for years. I am sure it is difficult to fake that kind of relationship on screen.

This movie is really very Australian and it is a nice movie to watch with friends--gay or straight.

Remembering Joel Urbano

I miss Joel. I met him in the Philippines when I was still in the university. He was a very generous man. He used to spend the whole day in the National bookstore (the biggest bookstore chain in the Philippines) because he could not afford to buy books. He would rather read them right then and there.

He was a very intelligent man and was curious about how things work. He liked me dearly and considered me his best friend. He told me his life as a sex worker and the hardships that he faced in Manila.

He learned a lot but he also lost a lot. Complications brought by AIDS made his last days miserable. He did not even recognize me on his deathbed. It was painful to see my friend in a situation like that. I practically begged my friends to help him out and I am thankful that they were very generous.

This happened in December of 2004. He was only 28 years old back then. I am now 29 years old. I know I still have a long way to go and it is a shame that he was not able to enjoy life as much as I did.

His family does not know how he passed away but it is good that they will remember him as the son who did everything to make their lives better in the province.

I hope you are doing better now, my friend. I miss you, Joel.

A Lesson I Learned in Bangkok

For a long time I have blamed Bangkok for feeling used because of the men I have met. For a long time, I thought Bangkok offered nothing more than a bunch of sexual predators and prey.

But lately I have realized I was part of it. I am one of those sexual predators. I am one of the men prowling and pouncing on my next victim. I am one of those men who treat other men as sex objects.

What Bangkok has offered is a chance to explore myself and realize what I really want from a romantic relationship. I got lost for a very long time and I hope I am on the right track.

There are so many beautiful men here so I do not know if I would be loyal to my own desire to set myself straight. I can only find my right man if I am the right man as well.

Thanks to all of my friends for listening to me.

Whale Rider (dvd)

This is really a surprise find. Like "Tropical Malady", I had a feeling that this DVD is going to be wonderful. I never heard anything about it. I just bought it.

It is a very interesting tale but one cannot help but praise the lead actor Keisha Castle Hughes. She is so mature and strong even in the saddest part of the movie. I could not help but cry when she was saying her piece during the school play. It is just so raw.

The other actors are very impressive as well. The cinematography is gorgeous but then it is New Zealand. I can only imagine how beautiful this country is.

I admit I know very little about Maori culture but this movie makes my desire to know about it stronger. I really hope to visit this country someday.

Losing Dexter

I am sure I have hurt so many men in my life. Most of which I am not aware of because I am too wrapped in my own selfish sexual desires. There are two men I have wronged so greatly.

One of which is SA, a Filipino doctor. I dated him eventhough I was not emotionally available. I was still in love with my then boyfriend. I hid it from SA because I wanted to get off with him. I hurt him so badly that five years after, he is still telling some of my friends how badly I treated him. I am sure he still has not forgiven me.

A more recent one is AG, a British flight attendant. I was entertaining so many men the time that he found me. I treated him as one of my numerous hookups until I realized that he actually genuinely likes me, laughs at my jokes and appreciates everything I have to say. That was also the time that AG realized that I am a dickhead.

I have spent so much time using people to fulfill my own desires that I have failed to see what is good. I am sure I have been given more than one second chance.

I have already taken down most of the personal information on my gay profiles. I want to start again. I have to find myself again.

Missing the Good

I feel horrible right now. I hate myself. I have been so deep in the sex world that I missed someone so good. I lost myself.

I need to get out of this hole. My chest is hurting. I need to talk to someone so badly right now.

I am so sorry, Andrew.

Family in Bangkok

I enjoyed the company of my parents and my aunt. It was very nice feeding them Thai food although my mum thinks that everything (including steamed chicken). It was also great taking them to the palace and Kao San Road.

Of course, we had a great time exploring the red light district of Bangkok--my district! It is good that they did not react negatively when they saw how near the fuck bars are.

Most of their time here was spent on shopping at Pratunam, MBK, Silom and Kao San. I thought they would run out of money.

Going to Oz 3

I already got it! I did not know it. I was granted the visa on the 1st of November. I will claim it next week.

Yipee!

Waiting for my parents

My parents and my aunt will arrive here in Bangkok in less than 12 hours. I am planning to show them the Grand Palace, Kao San Road, Silom, and Lumpini Park. I am not sure if I will show them the sex shows.

They will also meet a few of my friends here. It is hard to manage the schedule because they have 3 full days only.

I wonder what they have for me. I hope they have brought some Filipino food. I just hate the fact that I have to be there at the airport at 2 AM.

How will I kill time in the airport? Cruise the toilets?

Ludovic Cazeba (photo exhibit at the Bed Supper Club)

Thanks to Peter and Christian for inviting me to this opening.

It is the first time I consciously made myself look presentable for an art exhibition. Back in Manila, I would not care about how I look. I always thought that people go to art exhibitions not to get noticed but for them to notice the art. Apparently, it is different here in Bangkok. So I put on one inch of face powder.

I am sorry but I have to write something about Bed Supper Club first. It is beautiful and stylish but it is not practical. I hope they pay their janitors a lot of money for keeping the interiors white and clean. Goodness, the floors, the tables and the beds (that served as seats) were all white! I thought I was in a hospital with disco lights.

Anyway, the photographs were nice and I could see that it took a long time for the artist to compose the shots. It was actually hard to appreciate the pieces because the bar/restaurant is far from a perfect place for an exhibition. It was too dark and one needed to climb on the bed and crawl towards the pieces to appreciate the work.

I really wish I could see these pieces again and I hope they will be under better light.

Trick (DVD)

I have watched this DVD many years ago and I decided to watch it again because I admit that I am one person who has been having too many tricks week after week.

The story is simple and unpretentious: two strange gay boys are desperately looking for a place to fuck. The best thing about this movie is the casting. The actors are just perfect for their roles although Tori Spelling was able to overshadow everyone in every scene she is in. But then she is just really good in this movie. I cannot imagine saying this about Tori Spelling.

Anyway, I find this movie memorable because it is very optimistic about something gay men take for granted. I cannot wait to see if JP Pitoc really has a bear can.