Saturday, August 11, 2007

My 3-inch ego

On December 31, 1999, I was with Alex, a good friend of mine. We were on Ayala Avenue to celebrate the centennial new year. It was crowded and Alex and I were ecstatic. One tall handsome man kept following us and smiling at me. He offered me a cigarette and I declined. He offered me a sip of his beer and I declined. He told me that he was staying at the Shangri-la Hotel and I did not say anything.

Alex said, "I would slap you if you do not do anything. That man obviously likes you."

I said, "Come on. He is straight!" And then the man left.

It is just so funny how I make excuses when a beautiful guy hits on me. There are tons I can remember and I am sure there are lots more that I did not notice because of my insecurities.

Is it a blessing that I do not think of myself highly? Is this what they call humility? Or am I just messed up?

God, I am 29 years old and I still have the same insecurities that I had when I was still a teenager. Am I just missing tons of potential fucks? Or am I also missing tons of potential friendships and romantic relationships?

I wish I could cure myself.

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